The last few weeks of my life have revolved around making huge decisions that will determine my life trajectory (typical for an 18-year-old, really), so I figured this would be an easy topic to focus on today. Something that’s been keeping me particularly awake at night is my lack of a clear decision on a major.
All my life, I’ve had a ton of interests and hobbies. I like to refer to myself as an “amateur everything” in that I’ve achieved mediocrity at a large number of tasks. I can bake a little. I can draw some things. I can play a few songs. I can sing in tune for a while. I like to think I can write. Really, the only thing I absolutely dislike doing is math.
Things got complicated in high school when I was finally diagnosed with Vocal Cord Dysfunction, which had gone wrongly diagnosed as asthma since I was a child. It’s essentially a strange condition in which the vocal cords become irritated and actually paralyze. It decreases my oxygen levels a bit, and I end up with a pretty sore throat. It ruined my oboe-playing career and my dreams of a future in music ed. That was one possibility crossed off the list of things I could do with my life.
When it comes to academic interests, I’ve always been fascinated by other people; how they work, why they do the things they do. Psychology was an obvious choice, right? It made sense that psychology and I would go hand in hand.
What if I can’t help people? I’m an internalizer. I’m afraid that if I do pursue a career in psychology, I’ll spend eight years in school and build up a ton of debt, and then not be able to help people and be completely miserable for the rest of my life. I’m just scared. Horrified, actually. And really, really bad at neuroscience.
That being said, I’ve had a meeting recently with my honors advisor, and she totally understands, thank goodness. I’m currently undeclared (the scariest word ever), and I’m thinking I might be working my way toward a communications major and maybe even a creative writing minor. We’ll see where it goes.
This has been a gigantic, awkward rant about how I have no idea what the future holds, and if you actually read it, kudos to you. I’m just trying to get used to this.